Haven’t posted in a while! Who cares! Going to Mexico! Hope I don’t die! UConn a week from tomorrow! Life rocks!
Haven’t posted in a while! Who cares! Going to Mexico! Hope I don’t die! UConn a week from tomorrow! Life rocks!
I’m going to blog about albums now. I like listening to albums and I can derive meaning from them.
“Hail To The Thief” - Radiohead - 2003
Hail to the Thief, Radiohead’s sixth studio album released in 2003, was technically my first exposure to the band. I say “technically” only because the first RH song I heard was “Where I End And You Begin,” an absolutely fantastic gloom-rock showcase. I think I made up gloomrock. That’s probably not a word.
Anyway, I did end up getting a copy in my hands, and as I was deriving my fanhood from various internet sources, they told me to treat it as a piece of “meh” and to devote my Radiohead attention to The Bends and OK Computer, which wasn’t that bad of advice. Of course, people also say to avoid Pablo Honey like the plague, but I actually really enjoy it because it’s the band at their most raw and emotional, so I’m not a total hivemind idiot.
Thankfully, I’ve been coming back around to Hail recently, and it’s growing every time in my eyes (and ears, I guess that’d make more sense).
From what I understand, although I was a 12-year-old fat idiot at the time of its release, people didn’t like Hail because it was dark as all hell. Not a sparse darkness like Kid A, or the post-9/11 broken, floating feel of Amnesiac, but a human darkness. One that’s pissed off about the world and is sneering in its face.
Considering the times of its release, in which we’d entered Year Two of The Depressing Period Where Our Idiot President Is Sending Us To War And We Still Can’t Feel Safe, this is completely understandable, and in that context, the album’s all the better for it. There’s only one piece of the album, a stray line almost tossed off, that appears to be a direct reference to Bush- “You could be the President / and still know right from wrong” in Sail To The Moon- but the scary, post-post-9/11 period is well alive in the album. The title can be construed as a reference to our former President, but it can also be a direct attack at any and all corrupt authority.
The album hits a jarring juxtaposition between the two styles the band had hit before, the rock of Pablo and Bends combined with the electronic ambiance of Kid A and Amnesiac. If OK Computer is a blend of Bends and Kid A, Hail is the leftover gunk at the bottom of the blender. But that’s not a bad thing.
Most of the album’s tracks are directly confrontational, right in the listener’s face; “Punchup at a Wedding” is a barely-danceable mishmash of electronica and dark rock, while a companion piece, We Suck Young Blood, is almost a funeral march; a fifteen-second fury unleashes itself in the middle with a fantastic breakdown, but Yorke’s voice shines through, a vampire of death sucking life away and laughing about it.
The album’s a mix of sick anger (Myxomatosis, a rabid fever-dream), dark allegorical fantasy (Wolf at the Door), paranoid fear (There There), and nonsensical pain (2+2=5, Sit Down Stand Up). It’s a perfect confusion in the midst of the world’s biggest modern crisis since Kennedy and Castro were meters away from blowing each other to hell.
Through it all, though, is proof like no other of the blows the world had dealt itself and the ways the mind races in light of learning them; Scatterbrain is a slow, melodic, saddened song, filled with the pacing, rampaging, rapid thoughts one feels upon learning a secret they shouldn’t have. As Yorke sings- “Lightning fuse, powercut.”
I actually walked into a bookstore and bought books for the first time in I don’t know how long on Saturday night, after Super 8. The first was obvious; the first in the ‘Game of Thrones’ series, as I’m really enjoying the series on HBO and I want to see how they stack against one another.
The other was David Sedaris’s “Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk,” which had been reduced to $10. I love Sedaris’s work and this seemed interesting. While it was short (coming in at just under 150 pages, large-font, including illustrations), it was very amusing.
Sedaris writes the book like a modern-day Aesop’s Fables collection. When I say “modern-day,” I’m talking about “aesops about the DMV, hair appointments, and Secret Santa.” They were so deliciously ironic, satirical and amusing that I might actually read one out and put it on the internet.
It was a worthy $10.
DJ Hero is a game where you fake-DJ a remixed mashup of Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” and MC Hammer’s “You Can’t Touch This” while mashing a button to make Flava Flav yell “YEAH BOYEE” over and over again.
It is a very fun game.
This is quickly turning out to be a bland at best summer. Working 40 hours a week, 7am-330pm Monday to Friday, with a busted computer you can only use if you hook it up to a TV and no Gamefly subscription can do that.
I was really hoping I wouldn’t be stuck in the fucking rut I’m in right now, but that’s the way my cookie’s been crumbling. People have left, people have pissed me off and I’m severing from them for a while, and all of the others are only around once in a blue moon. Of course, when I’m going to bed at 10:30pm, a full three hours earlier than my night-owl habits at college, my entire life’s changing. All I know about this job: I’m making some hard-earned money, and I’m working hard. Most people my age are working McJobs or not at all. I’m cleaning large machinery every day in hot-as-balls warehouses.
Of course, I’m not exactly getting to unwind when I’m not working. I’m usually too exhausted to even think when I get off, and I have to guzzle water and/or Gatorade just to avoid a pounding headache. I get bouts of nausea from the lack of sleep I have too. I now understand the “a job that slowly kills you” line from No Surprises. And the usual summer vices aren’t safe for me to use yet, as my spidey-sense (also known as a heightened paranoia I’ve developed with an outright fear of punishment and authority figures) keeps tingling ever-so-slightly.
Weekends seem to be picking up soon, though; Amherst, Stamford, the 4th, Providence and Deer Tick, Harry Potter, a visit from the roomies, and The Decemberists are all coming up a few exits away. I just hope I don’t crash and burn before I get there.
Arcade Fire - “Modern Man” - “The Suburbs (2010)”
I dug up an old script for ‘Cappella’ that I wrote last year. I actually think it might have been about a year ago today. Anyway, enjoy, and hopefully I don’t rape the HTML.
Cappella Halloween Episode
written by Joe
OPEN IN THE LOUNGE (OR WHEREVER THE HANGOUT SPOT BECOMES IN
SEASON 2). WAYLON AND MARK ARE TALKING. IT’S OCTOBER 30TH.
So before the Halloween party we’re
singing at tonight, Rachel said she
wanted to grab something for
dinner. I haven’t eaten anywhere
but the dining halls yet; do you
know anywhere good we could go?
Oh, yeah, dude. Take her to Senor
Pepe’s. Chicks love Mexican food,
they think burritos are sexy. You
can’t go wrong.
What do I do if she wants to hang
out after the festivities tonight?
I haven’t really hung out with
girls outside of the times at
(cuts off Waylon) Hey, man, it’s
Halloween. Come back to the room
and watch a scary movie or
something, she’ll be all over you
pretending to be scared, it can’t
PHIL enters. He’s wearing *insert Halloween costume*. It is
Hey guys, ready for the party
tonight? I’ll be swimming in chicks
with this baby after we sing
“Thriller.” I only spent $130 on
Really? Because that makes you look
like a cross between a badger and
Gary Busey (edit insult for
whatever the costume ends up
being), which is pretty much the
opposite of attractive.
I have to concur with Mark here,
Phil. You look more like the evil
villain in a special-needs child’s
ghost story than someone who would
actually get women wearing that
You guys are just really jealous
you didn’t get a costume as awesome
as this! I call dibs on coming back
to the room tonight with a lady.
I’ll put a sock on the door.
Thanks for warning us, Phil. We
wouldn’t want to intrude on your
threesome with your hand and your
Oh yeah? We’ll see, Mark. At least
I don’t always act incredulous
toward my friends’ actions. I bet
THAT’S attractive to the ladies.
(PHIL storms out of the room)
CREDITS: MMMBOP DAP BOP DOO BOP
The whole gang is leaving a Halloween party. All of the
characters are wearing Halloween costumes. Mark is wearing a
husky dog costume, in honor of UConn spirit. He also appears
to be in pain.)
Hey, Mark, what was up with that
one girl you were dancing with? I
saw you guys dancing one minute and
then suddenly she ran off.
I really don’t know what was up. I
used some stupid line about the
both of us being dressed as huskies
and she didn’t say much. Then when
we were dancing she freaked out,
bit me and ran out the door.
I’ve gotten that reaction more than
Mark, you sure you’re OK?
(acting shifty, glancing
Actually, you guys don’t mind if I
split off and run back to the
dorms, right? I’ve got a really bad
stomachache, and I need to get back
there, before… you know…
Mark, you don’t need to ask
permission to go to the bathroom. I
think we’ll be fine.
MARK turns and leaves the group quickly, suspiciously and
randomly through the woods. No one bats an eye.
Actually, me and Waylon are gonna
split too. We have plans, he’s
going to help me…
(made up on the spot)
deloft my bed.
What? You didn’t tell me about this
until now! And why are we going to
deloft your bed at 1:30AM on a
Saturday night? I’ve had almost two
beers, this is really not a good
(nudges him hard in the ribs)
we DID talk about this, you just
(grabs onto him lustily)
I need a BIG, STRONG MAN to help
me, I can’t do it by myself.
But Rachel, I need to get up early
tomorrow to study for my
everything Waylon just said)
OK, guys, see you later! Happy
RACHEL drags Waylon off onto a path. Once again, no one bats
What did you guys think of the
It was pretty fun. Sorry about your
I don’t get it. I was thinking
*Phil’s costume* was going to be a
massive hit with the ladies! Did
YOU like it?
Um… no. No I did not. Actually,
it’s one of the worst ideas I’ve
heard of in a long, long time.
Really, Brie? I thought it was
pretty funny myself, I mean I
wouldn’t think girls would line up
to meet a guy wearing it, but it’s
good for a giggle.
Thanks, Julius. I wish it could
have been good for a giggle… if you
know what I mean.
BRIE and JULIUS groan and roll their eyes, all sympathy
JULIUS was showing is gone.
So how about Rachel and Waylon,
huh? I’m a little sad that I didn’t
get to him first.
Hey, Brie, it’s OK. You’ve still
got me. You can cry on my shoulder
Aw, thanks, Phil, that’s really
sweet of you-
And then we can do some stuff
that’ll REALLY make you cry! Tears
of joy! Because we’ll be having
Phil, I’d tell you to watch it, but
the things you just said are so far
past watching it that I’m just
going to ignore you for the rest of
RACHEL and WAYLON are in RACHEL’S ROOM/WAYLON’S
ROOM/WHATEVER ROOM IS CONVENIENT FOR FILMING. WE CAN WORK
THE PLOT AROUND THIS.
Tonight’s been great, Waylon. The
party was really fun, and how did
you know I love the burritos at
I guess I just had a hunch.
(Obviously coming onto the
I’m happy I have such a good friend
who gets me, like you, Waylon. And
it’s a plus that you’re so ruggedly
handsome, too. What do you think we
should watch for a movie?
WAYLON looks at a list of the best-rated horror movies he
printed off IMDB.
Well, considering that it’s All
Hallows Eve, we should watch a
scary movie. How about… “The
Yeah, that’s a good one. Works for
me, start it up.
WAYLON downloads and plays it, or gets a DVD, or finds it on
Netflix Instant Stream, or whatever’s convenient to film.
FADE BACK IN, TITLE CARD READS “30 MINUTES LATER”
The film has progressed to Father Karras’s daydream about
his mother. RACHEL’S hanging on WAYLON’S arm, while WAYLON
is engrossed in the film. RACHEL moves closer to WAYLON, and
he doesn’t notice. Just as she touches him, Captain Howdy
comes up on the screen, and WAYLON jumps up and screams at
the top of his lungs. (The top of his lungs is a
high-pitched girly shriek.)
In layman’s terms for people who haven’t seen The Exorcist:
The movie’s 30 minutes in. RACHEL starts to make a move
while WAYLON is watching the film. In the scene they’re
watching for a split second a demonic face pops up on the
screen just as RACHEL makes her move. WAYLON jumps and
screams like a girl.
I can’t stand this movie! It’s the
scariest thing I’ve seen since…
*fill in your own joke! I’m burnt
out!* I’m sorry Rachel, I need to
go or I’ll be going to hell! That’s
what my pastor told me about scary
WAYLON leaves the room quickly, leaving RACHEL by herself.
Why did I fall for this guy again?
RACHEL puts on Top Gun, begins to watch and forget WAYLON
for a bit.
PHIL and JULIUS are walking around. It’s pretty obvious
they’ve been doing something that we can’t really show any
references to. Suddenly, they hear a loud sound and a yell
Dude, did you hear that?
Yeah, I did! I have no idea what it
was! We’d better go check it out,
maybe some Playboy models’ car
won’t start or something!
I’m going to let that one slide,
but please, Phil, you’re a college
student. Be smarter, OK?
The two come around the side of the building to find MARK in
a position insinuating that he’s dead. For foreshadowing, he
could be in some sort of sleeping-dog position; otherwise,
sprawled out with a look of pain on his face.
Holy crap, it’s Mark! What
PHIL picks up MARK’S arm, as if to check for a pulse, but
instead shakes it around. PHIL laughs like a child. PHIL
then hits MARK in the head with his own hand.
Why are you hitting yourself? He
Phil, stop it!
JULIUS checks out MARK, sees if he’s breathing. He’s not!
Oh my god… Mark’s… dead! Or in a
very deep coma! But probably the
What happened? Was he… murdered?
Considering it’s Halloween, I’m
going to have to guess that that’s
the correct answer and completely
ignore all others. Why did it have
to be Mark? He was a great guy, he
cared so much… actually, a little
too much sometimes if you ask me…
now that I think about it, he was
pretty freaking creepy sometimes,
he was asking where I was twice a
day at some points…
We need to call the cops or
something! Our friend is dead!
Don’t you get it, Phil? He’s dead,
and we’re the first ones to stumble
on the body! The first responder is
always the first to get arrested!
Do you really want to spend THREE,
maybe even FOUR HOURS in custody
before they let us go? I can’t go
to prison, I’m weak! They’ll pass
me around like a Pokémon card in
So, it looks like… we’re going to
You know it! Phil and Julius in…
The Case of the Murdered Mark!
The two share an epic high-five then begin to search for
clues. In the background, an ominous shadow watches. It is
quickly made completely obvious that this figure is PAN
FLUTE GUY, as he walks into view and waves to them before
realizing that A) they can’t see him and B) he’s supposed to
be the villain. He dashes back into the shadow.
It’s a few hours after Waylon left Rachel to be alone. He’s
terrified, eyes open wide. He grabs his phone and calls
Rachel, who is watching crappy TV at 4AM.
Hey, Rachel? I can’t sleep. I’m
really scared right now.
I can’t sleep either.
Um, do you want to hang out for a
little while? I don’t want to lie
here all night. The last time I was
this scared, I woke up in a puddle
of… um, water.
(failing to mask her
Yeah, Waylon, head on over.
WAYLON, relieved, hops out of bed and heads over. The two
sit together and watch crappy TV together before eventually
falling asleep (completely non-sexually) together.
It is the next day around noon. PHIL and JULIUS are at the
So, Phil, what clues have you found
Well, Mark’s body had a few
scratches on it, so I can only
assume he was killed by getting
scratched with a poison stick. I’ve
checked a lot of sticks but no dice
so far. What about you?
(sees Wendy’s right next to
Hm… I think I just got a lead!
Hey Phil, could you lend me 3
Of course, man, here you go.
JULIUS takes PHIL’S money and buys a Frosty at Wendy’s. He
then walks back, eating it.
What’s the big lead you just found?
JULIUS angrily gestures to him while eating that he’s
working on it and shouldn’t be disturbed. PHIL understands
and gives him a few minutes. JULIUS finishes the Frosty.
What did you find out?
It was a dead end. Come on, let’s
keep looking. It could be anyone on
this campus of tens of thousands of
people, or it could be one of the 7
people we know. Let’s ask Brie if
she’s seen anything.
We move to BRIE’S room. PHIL knocks on BRIE’S door. She
Hey guys, what’s up?
Actually, Brie, we have some
terrible news. We found Mark dead a
few hours ago. He was murdered and
we’re looking for information. Have
you seen anything peculiar?
Oh my God… Mark’s… dead? Wait, one
of my residents died on my watch?
Oh crap. OH, CRAP. Phil, Julius,
will you give me about two minutes?
I’m definitely not going to shirk
my responsibilities as an RA and
pack my things while running to a
motel in Willimantic where I can
stay for a few days until this all
PHIL AND JULIUS
Yeah, sure, we’ll give you a few
PHIL and JULIUS spend time searching the halls, looking away
from Brie, as she quickly and quietly leaves her room with a
bag, wearing a hat/sunglasses combo, and runs down the hall
to the stairs and out of the scene. Before she goes, she
calls 911 and tells the responder about a murder. When she
realizes they can hear her, she runs off. The two don’t
notice her leave.
All this sleuthing is making me
bored. Want to go play Xbox for a
Yeah, all of our sleuthing is
giving me a headache. Let’s take a
PHIL and JULIUS are in the roomplaying Guitar Hero.
NARRATOR OF GUITAR HERO AD
And keep in tune, rockers, because
2011 is bringing a bunch of awesome
Heroes to the mix, including Creed
Hero, Nickleback Hero and the
long-awaited Pan Flute Hero sequel,
Pan Flute Hero 2: Pan Flute With A
PHIL and JULIUS slowly look at each other with a face full
of fear and realization.
PAN FLUTE GUY’S THE KILLER!
The duo dash away to find PAN FLUTE GUY.
The two track down PAN FLUTE GUY in a corner of the Student
Union and corner him.
Hey, Pan Flute Guy! Did you kill
PAN FLUTE GUY
So, you fools finally figured it
out, hm? *Keith gets an epic
monologue explaining that why and
how he’s killed Mark and that he’s
going to kill them too. He pulls
out a *weapon*. Keith improvs most
of this because he’s fucking
awesome at it.
PHIL AND JULIUS
OH MY GOD! RUN!
Musical Montage of the Episode: “Thriller” plays as JULIUS
and PHIL try to escape from PAN FLUTE GUY who fully intends
to kill them until dead. Insert humor here. Eventually, the
two run to wherever RACHEL and WAYLON are, both of whom have
fallen asleep. They wake up upon their screams and their
first sight upon waking is PFG with a weapon in the room.
They too yell, until…
MARK enters the room, fully unscathed, fully alive, still
wearing his Halloween costume.
Whoa, guys, what’s going on here?
Mark! You’re not murdered!
Yeah, I’m not… wait, what?
Someone murdered me?
Yeah, dude, somebody killed you
last night, we found your corpse
and we’ve been searching for your
Oh, THAT murder! Haha, I, um,
pranked you! Yeah, PFG and I
pranked you for Halloween!
PFG is completely baffled and terrified that MARK is not as
dead as he used to be.
PAN FLUTE GUY
(slowly putting away his
Um, yeah, haha, it was good, right?
We got you good? Heh?
OK, so if you are not deceased,
then where were you all this time,
and how did they find your lifeless
body outside a few hours ago?
As RACHEL and WAYLON left the TV on in the room while they
slept, it’s still on, and suddenly Channel 9 News comes on.
CHANNEL 9 NEWS ANCHORMAN
Welcome to Live Sexy Action News.
Our top story is full of action and
news, and depending on any kinks
you might have, could be a little
CHANNEL 9 NEWS ANCHORLADY
Sometime last night, a student
visiting UConn from Syracuse was
brutally killed by what witnesses
say was a large beast. We now go to
our reporter on the beat for more.
CHANNEL 9 BEAT REPORTER
Thanks, you sexy professionals.
Around 4AM last night, a student
University visiting a friend for the weekend was
walking back to campus on Hunting
Lodge Road, when apparently a large
beast leapt out from the woods and
brutally ripped out his throat. Now
that is action packed. We have
reports from eye-witnesses who
appear to have seen the whole
Well, my friend came down because
he wanted to spend Halloween on a
real campus, and we were just
leaving a party. This thing ran out
of the woods and up to us. It kind
of looked like Jonathan The Husky,
but instead of high-fiving us and
giving us free T-shirts, he saw my
friend’s Orangemen sweatshirt and
promptly chewed his throat off. He
then turned to me, and when I was
expecting the worst, growled “Do
you think the men’s team can get
back to the tournament this year?”
before sprinting back off into the
woods. It. Was. AWESOME!
Some dudes in front of me got
attacked by this were-husky thing
that came out of the woods. It was
completely naked, dude, and then it
killed a guy and got covered in
blood, and then it growled “UConn!”
before it left and everyone who was
around yelled “Huskies!” I mean, I
was high as fuck at the time, but
that’s what happened. I think.
CHANNEL 9 NEWS ANCHORLADY
Well, there we have it. A large
furry is apparently killing
students from rival UConn schools.
We have new reports just in; the
police department are calling it an
accident, quoted as saying “Eh, he
went to Syracuse, he can go fuck
himself,” and the student was taken
to the infirmary where he died from
his injuries after being neglected
by everyone there.
CHANNEL 9 NEWS ANCHORMAN
Coming up after this sexy break, we
look into the food served at
Buckley. Is the Soylent Green
they’ve begun serving really
people, or is it fake people? We’ll
let you know in a minute.
The gang all slowly look at Mark. He’s dressed like a husky,
and there’s a were-husky running around… it’s kind of
obvious he’s the campus terror. Just as the group makes
moves to either run away or fight him, the door opens.
ANDREW’S SECURITY GUY
Hey, we’ve got a report of someone
calling in a fake 911 murder report
a few hours ago, and it was traced
to someone in this building- wait,
it was you! *points to Waylon* You
dirtbag! Stop being such a
dangerous individual or I’ll make
sure you spend the rest of your
life in jail!
ANDREW carts off WAYLON and has to peel RACHEL off him.
Wow, Waylon’s really coming off the
rails since he got here last year.
I think he’s going a little crazy
after being homeschooled for so
long. I’m worried about him.
So, no one remembers that thing on
the news, right?
You mean about the Soylent Green?
Come on, it’s Buckley, of course
it’s fake people.
Oh, yeah, that. I’m sure it’s fake.
All the characters walk out of the room, MARK leaves last.
As he passes, he looks toward the camera, with the glowing
yellow eyes from the end of the Thriller video. Freeze-frame
and fade to black as the laugh from the video plays.